


losing your memory

by embalmers



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-25 18:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21360901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embalmers/pseuds/embalmers
Summary: “You left yourself defenceless and vulnerable. Anyone could have hurt you like that. Be more careful.”Words left unsaid that she wanted to ask, ‘anyone meaning you?’
Relationships: Jeritza von Hrym/Mercedes von Martritz
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	losing your memory

_“Emile!”_

_A rupture of giggles and what he could only describe as pure radiance came from his sister beside him. Whilst she laughed at the flour that was now covering both his own and her puffy cheeks, he could only look down nervously as her feet wobbled slightly on the stool she stood upon, worried for her falling. They both were too small to reach the counter._

_Rubbing her hands over her face didn’t get rid of the flour, just spread it more over herself. Emile wanted to bring his hands to her cheeks, purely by selfish desire, nothing even remotely close to helping her get rid of it, but he restrained himself, instead reaching for a nearby cloth and handing it over._

_“Hehe, thank you, Emile. Now pass me the salt, you can pour the syrup!”_

Mother’s recipe had been kept extremely close to her after her passing. The secret to it was to add that little bit extra of syrup (you had to measure it by eye, no specific amount) and a tablespoon of salt. Mercedes gave a lot to everyone else, she figured it was only right to keep to this one thing to herself. For her mother. She’d pass it onto her children one day and that would be that.

So when she went into the kitchen with Annie at her side, hoping to steal some time away from studies and hopefully teach the younger some tricks to not blowing up another pastry dish, her eyes were immediately drawn to a new syrup bottle and bag of salt placed next to each other on the counter.

Only herself, mother and Emile knew those ingredients were needed.

And as quickly as she noticed them, her attention was drawn back to Annette as she picked up a tray of not even cooked cookies thinking they were safe to eat.

_Slate blue eyes filled with tears looking up at Mercedes as she stood between him and their half siblings. He couldn’t call them siblings. She was his only sister and sibling. They both were all they had; they both were intruders to the others. The ones with crests, the ones who were gifted at birth. They had taken everything from them._

_If they were deemed that, then so be it. He’d happily be an enemy and outsider to them, as long as his dear sister was right alongside him._

_Yet despite it all, he was weak. Tearful. Timid. Not fitting of an heir by any definition._

_“Yeah hide, behind her, typical! Emile’s a baby who has a girl fight for him.”_

_Rage. He might be scared, small and shy but he could feel the anger in him light up immediately. Not at them for picking on him, for leaving a red hand print on his thin arms or bruises all over his body. No, it was for insulting his sister. Mercedes was stronger than himself. More radiant and pure. Displaying of kindness to him and protecting him no matter what when she had every right to show the same vileness to him for causing everything, for being the true heir. She was the one light in this life, in the never-ending pain he found himself in their ‘home’. _

_She didn’t deserve to be trapped in the dark here with him._

_“Emile, go to mother. You! Don’t talk about him like that!” she raised her voice as best she could, but he could still hear how strained it was for her to do so. The soft tone never leaving even in anger._

_He swore in that moment he would not run. He wouldn’t let her be stuck here with her. Nor have her fight his battles for him. Emile would protect her. By any means necessary._

On the rare occasion when sleep did not decide to grace her, Mercedes would take evening walks through the gardens of the monastery. She had been feeling slightly uneasy as of late, yet the reason for which she did not know. The air was different too. The stars were bright above her as she decided to ignore said anxieties and instead focus on her surroundings and the world above her. Closing her eyes, she breathed out and in again.

“You shouldn’t be out at this hour.”

A jolt and she turned in the dark to the source of the voice.

Jeritza.

She had seen him around; Felix had mentioned him too, a sword teaching instructor, of course Felix would be interested. Apparently Jeritza was asking around about her too. A slight worry, since she didn’t know him nor the reason why he had such an interest. Maybe it was just a coincidence they were out at the same hour.

Maybe he couldn’t sleep either.

“Sorry about that, you startled me! I’ll be back to the dorms in a minute, I was just getting some fresh air.”

He didn’t nod and walk away. He didn’t do anything except keep staring at her. The teacher wasn’t close enough in the dark for her to see what expression graced his face, but Mercedes could see maybe a twinge of annoyance in his gaze. She took his advice and listened; she shouldn’t be out at this hour and was about to make her way back when he spoke up again.

“You left yourself defenceless and vulnerable. Anyone could have hurt you like that. Be more careful.”

Then Jeritza was gone.

Squinting her eyes at where he once stood, for the first time in a long time, Mercedes felt utterly lost and confused. Words left unsaid that she wanted to ask, ‘anyone meaning you?’

It was late. She decided she’d deal with this Jeritza situation after a night of sleep. Maybe her professor would have some advice for her or after a prayer she would know what to do.

_Emile watched his sister drift off to sleep, hopefully finding an escape, some peace in a dream. Mother had let him know about their planned escape, soon she would be gone but it would be fine. She could finally live a normal life away from this doomed home. Not have to experience such harsh ostracism each day. Have a home for herself. A life of her own._

_Mother was planning on taking him with them. He wouldn’t let her. He was going to protect her._

_"Forgive me, Mercedes,” he spoke softly to the sleeping girl, carding a finger through caramel locks._

They didn’t meet any other times, Mercedes just kept hearing whispers about Jeritza from others. He was still asking about her, but it seemed as if he’d vanished, avoiding another run in with her perhaps?

She had decided not to push further about him or put a complaint in about the scene in the garden. Perhaps call it a weakness on her heart, but his hair reminded her of Emile’s hair.

And her own in fact.

She also hadn’t been hurt by him. It was purely theories, the _what ifs _could happen. She wouldn’t stoop low to make assumptions.

Finding herself in the place she frequented the most, praying. Flayn had gone missing, she wanted that sweet girl found safe. And what could only tug on her heartstrings more was Seteth’s worried and stressful face each day she saw him. The anguish he must be going through as a big brother. It only made her think about Emile more. For Seteth’s sake as a big brother, for her own heart as a big sister, she hoped the Goddess could bring Flayn home safe and sound. That she too could bring Emile home safe and sound.

Jeritza was apparently suspicious. A few had said he was the one who must have kidnapped her. Manuela was missing. A few others were suspicious, but her professor and some others were still looking into things. Until then, she couldn’t draw any conclusions.

“Forgive me, Mercedes.”

Again, she found herself jolting and looking around. Jeritza was there standing a fair bit away in the doorway of the church. Eyes widening, she was struck by the fact he had no mask on. It was quiet in the monastery but even then, she hadn’t thought he would remove it even if it was quiet.

What truly shocked her was how similar his face was to Emile’s.

Then it hit her.

_“Forgive me, Mercedes.”_

By the time the gasp that left her body had been drawn, he was gone from the doorway and her soft spoken ‘Emile’ was left unheard.

_And in the church, she missed Emile. Mother hadn’t taken him, just her. Only mentioned that he’d put them in danger, that father would come after them with him with them. _

_“Then when I’m older mother, I’ll come back for him.”_

_“I’d like that very much sweetheart.”_

_Getting taken from the church, adopted by a merchant, with no interest in her or her life, only her crest, hadn’t been a part of the plan or what she envisioned for herself but if it was what the Goddess wished for her she’d follow it._

_And as things became more complicated, as she was enrolled in schools and he pushed her on a path, her plans for herself and to find Emile never came to fruition._

_“Forgive me, Emile,” she mentioned in prayer to herself, “I’ll be back for you, I promise, dear baby brother.”_

“Please, forgive me Emile.”

As he lay there cradled in her arms, just the same as she’d held him as a child, she couldn’t help but wish she was dying alongside with him. She couldn’t help him; she couldn’t save him. All thoughts of ‘we should have, we could have,” were for nought, she should have gone back for him. The pain he went through alone, _without her_, are what caused this.

She was uttering his words, forgive me. When he’d asked her to forgive him, now it was her wishing he could forgive her. If he was a sinner for killing father and his crimes as the Death Kngiht then Mercedes was one too for abandoning him. It didn’t matter if she was a child at the time, didn't matter that she was constantly getting pulled away from what she wanted by an adoptive father. She could have done something.

“Mercie, we have to go now!”

Words trapped in her throat. There was still so much to ask, so much she wanted to know. Father and House Bartels were gone, because of Emile. What had he endured? Could she ease his suffering in death even just a little? How could she atone? Can she take his body back, he needs a burial. He’s her baby brother, she can’t leave him, not after she finally had him back.

Pressing her forehead to his already cold one, running a hand through his hair like Emile had so long ago to her own, she uttered goodbye as Annie grabbed her arm and took her away.

**Author's Note:**

> i have shipped jeritza/mercedes since day 1 and was holding off writing anything until the jeritza dlc/update came out AND IT DIDNT DISAPPOINT  
everyone else was raving about him being hot or bi or whatever, i was out here raving about him being an incest man
> 
> i dont have anyone checking for spelling/grammar errors so sorry if there are any  
thanks for reading!


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